There are a handful of Waffle Houses surrounding the
I have been to three Waffle Houses that are currently near me, if you can call a 45 minute to 1 hour drive near. I miss the convenience of having Waffle Houses near me, because that’s what they are – convenient. They’re always open (always) and ever present – or, at least, they used to be ever present in my old state.
A spend-the-night party (much-alcohol party) out in
My partner didn’t know I had such a boner for Waffle House, and was befuddled when I rashly swung into the Waffle House parking lot. Oh, did I forget to mention my eternal, never dying love of Waffle House? Perhaps that’s because there’s No. Waffle. House. Near. Us. Well, now that you’ve ripped open that painful wound, the story is going to gush out.
Where should I start? I guess high school. 24-hour diners play a starring role in any teenager’s life that cruises around at night looking for a cheap place to hang out before, during, or after hanging out with friends and getting loaded. There was one Waffle House in particular that was on “our side” of town that we frequented the most, but there were Waffle Houses on the other side of town, too, when we found ourselves out roaming the entire city. In trying to pin down the gang, we’d first drive to Christine’s house (her mom worked 3rd shift) to see if people were drinking there, then we'd search the State Park to see if acid was being eaten out in the woods, finally we’d check the Waffle House for the famished troops. (Cell phones would have been so cool.) The Waffle House was great – open 24 hours and omnipresent, so no matter when or where we were, we always had food; super cheap, so even crusty teenagers could afford to eat; retro-cool, so jokes about the yellow, brown, and orange décor, the country music-filled jukebox, and the poor staff that had to (and still do) wear the diner get-up always entertained.
It was the many pit stops at Waffle House during high school with friends that fostered my addiction to my two favorite menu items – the waffle and the hash browns. Waffle House makes the best waffles, and I’m sticking to that. They have to. It’s called Waffle House! Make sure your waffle isn’t under cooked, and you’re golden.
The hash browns take a little knowledge to order correctly, and that I have. Waffle House has a list of different ways you can order hash browns: Scattered = scattered on the grill, not cooked in a metal ring; Smothered = slice of American cheese melted on top; Covered = with diced onions; Chunked = with diced ham; Diced = with diced tomatoes; Peppered = with jalapeño peppers; Capped = with mushrooms; and Topped = with chili. It’s fun to order in this diner lingo, and also hear the waitresses shout out your order in the lingo. I always order my hash browns scattered, smothered, and covered on a dry grill, so as not to be too greasy, and specify crispy, or else they can come out a little raw if the place is hoppin’ (it always is) and the order are flying. Top the hash browns with black pepper and ketchup from the condiment caddy sitting on the table, and dig in. The savory hash browns are the perfect companion to the sweet waffle, and, together, the two cure any craving you might have.
It was in college that I really fell in love with Waffle House. After a night of drinking and who knows what, my reckless roommate suggests we drive three hours to
Then there was the time that I was really in love with a Waffle House short-order cook. This love affair also occurred during college. His name was Robert, and, God, was he cute! Cooks at Waffle House are rarely cute, but he was young and hot. I would actually drive to the outskirts of town and hang out at the Waffle House to play cards with him and chat him up during his slow times. When he cooked, I would almost faint. He had a girlfriend, and I had a boyfriend, so I just went there for fantasy fodder. He was awfully sweet (hot), and I enjoyed hanging out with him. He even gave me a Waffle House keychain that I have to this day. The best gift he gave me, other than standing in front of me, was one of his work shirts that had Waffle House embroidered on it. He had to sneak that one to me, because he could have gotten in trouble. Such a sweetie – and hot!
Well, after that last paragraph, I’m sure you think I’m mental. But wait. There’s more! For over ten years, I carried a brochure that listed all the Waffle Houses in the
*Along with warm climate, close proximity to Waffle House is now on my list of requirements when relocating to a city. How could I have been so absentminded and not checked for Waffle Houses when I moved to Pennsylvania/Delaware?
Waffle House, Everywhere but here